Before the 9pm watershed, there is no obligation to read this piece, or if time is short for you, or if you have wet hair.
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The seeds of this story stemmed from a ‘moment’ in time where everything seemed to stand still.
First though, my medley relay lawyers Cselko, Cselko, Cselko and Cselko (s4C), who operate on a no win, no lose, no draw, no fee basis, advise that I need to add label caveats. So, apart from Rob Ouldcott, Mary Olivari, and Cork’s Ned Denison, there is no resemblance to any Serpentine swimmer alive or in a state nearly less than such in this story.
So without much delay, procrastination, or too much deviation, put your virtual smoking jacket on and let’s get started.
Have you ever had occasion in your life where you see the same thing many times over and accept the sight without thinking? Sunrise, sunset, grass growing, leaves falling and Spring appearing, maybe you have your own particular visions? This is not that sort of aspirational website, but it sets a tone. [See swipe options above]
Then one day, you experience that ‘moment’. A whole new interpretation of the same vista appears, and you wonder at its newness. Thanks for this revelatory moment, indirectly, but very decently, goes to Deirdre Ward, who organised a brilliant gala in South London, where we all swam gracefully, and of course beautifully, to win the shiny silver trophy back from South London Swimming Club’s cold steely icy, yet friendly grip a couple of weeks ago. Liz Ward can be proud of us all.
The moment I’m referring to wasn’t the result, the cold water, the hot tea, the hotter sauna, or even SLSC’s nice buns which were laid out for us by our friends at Tooting Bec Lido. This moment happened before the start of one of many races.
Like all race starts since time immemorial, i.e 1970 when competitive swimming was first invented, the swimmers were gathered ready for “Go.” Nothing unusual you might think, but not on closer examination. I spotted an anomaly, a swimming oxymoron if you will, a paradox, a pair of ducks. Stop it.
At the gala, was one of many Serps swimmers, a very normal aesthetic vision in itself. But this Serps swimming person was visibly starting a race while wearing an SLSC cap. Now before the politically correct junta fling my flip flops, or spank my Speedos, I must state my credentials. This is London, and let’s be clear that I’ve an open mind about where and how people swim, and what they wear, so I’m not making an issue of this. In the privacy of your own club, many swimmers wear what they like, but when out for a gala should you dress to impress in your home colours, or can you experimentally wear whatever cap you feel like?
People are free to don whatever cap they choose, or even wear age-appropriate shorts like Rob Ouldcott’s. I’m just asking the question (and avoiding writing the same stuff again and again about the everlasting Winter series). Should we be metro conswimsensual about it, or look differently at people who swim for two clubs? For ease of expression, I ask is it ok to 'swim both ways'?
With a respect for preserving privacy and anonymity, I had assumed that this non-stroke specific swimmer, was a fully confirmed Serps member. My quest for understanding, was whether this was a person who naturally “swims both ways.” Does the swimmer indulge in Serps and SLSC? No, was the answer.
Could the wearing of two different caps eventually lead to mixing it by swimming for two clubs? Time will tell, something all swimmers know, to the Phelpsian hundredth of a second.
Would swimming for two clubs be a bit SSC / SLSC? Could this be explained away as just being a harmless bit of swimming’s version of cross-dressing? Again, this is not an inquisition of Orwellian Animal Farm standards. Perhaps fluidly donning an SLSC cap while swimming for Serps was just the whimsical experimentation of youth? Is it even important? What happens elsewhere you may well ask?
In all my very sheltered innocent life, I had only ever twice seen people ‘swim both ways’ before and that was in Cork in 2015 and 2016. There are two Cork swimming clubs* where a few feckless swimmers have been seen revelling and prancing around in the cap of either Sandycove SC or Myrtleville SC. Many Myrtlevillian traditionalists suggest that swimming it up in Sandycove SC style is Edging Insanity? I kid you not. But this is about London.
Back to the swimmer under the aquascope, who is a university student, that institution of learning, where we all get a degree following some experimentation and submission of an essay in the final year. Not that I’ve tried to find out, but I’m pretty sure that deep down, this swimmer is a breastroker. After all, a university education is not just about butterfly collecting. And having seen some adults in recent TV documentaries, lets hope the swimmer does not become a fully fledged open water swinger. If the cap fits does it matter?
This logically opens up the thoughts for the week to other open water swimming genders, of which, there are many categories; pre- Channel soloists, and successful Channel soloists, and they can be bracketed into ‘Channies’ of the pre and post variety. And there are those who prefer group swimming, where they throw their car keys in one bag and leave them there while they have a good time together. I’ve done two out of three of those and it’s highly recommended, even in Cork. I’m not going to touch on the mass participation races, where people start at intervals in a style closely resembling visa status as stamped in your passport for some countries, yes, ‘multiple indefinite entry’.
Chapeau (French for a chap in a cap in water) as they might say.
I digress.
Today was yet another day for the long distance stamina sapping Winter Series, which started ages ago. Last week Kirsty swam brilliantly, she said so herself, and with the grace of a swan says I. Today, a white swan won heat 4, ironically, I think. Others who swam noticeably well include William Luckhurst and Elina Grigoriu.
And who is leading the Winter Series is a bit of latex conundrum, wrapped up in a lycra enigma - Mr Ouldcott, that's not you, but it could be.
If you feel you are not being mentioned on the site, please hesitate to contact me.
Yours swimmingly
John Tierney
*Sandycove can arguably be termed a 'cuckoo' swimming club who willingly let other other swimmers nest around their island. They have no clubhouse although they do have very sexy swimming caps. The Myrtlevillains debate that Sandycove is a non-club. Wait 'til you hear what Sandycove says about Myrtleville . . .
